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Making burgers the Bob Servant way

Meat

If you’re serious about running a burger van then you need a lot of meat. We buy a bin bag of meat every morning from a fun-loving butcher in Carnoustie. I’m not sure how much a bin bag full of meat is in grams but it’s really heavy.

We buy a bin bag of meat every morning from a fun-loving butcher in Carnoustie

In of meat types, you want the red type. Our meat is a collage of meat, which is lot healthier than the more “gourmet” burgers you get in Sore Tummy Hell.

Because our meat comes from a vast variety of animals, the healthy animals should almost always outweigh the sick ones. Which in turn gives our clients the best chance of having a healthy snack.

It’s a win-win-win.

Buns

“Come and have some fun in a bun” is our famous battlecry and it brings the punters sprinting from their little houses with their mouths hanging open like lizards. The great thing about serving buns, of course, is the vast opportunities for double, if not triple, entendres. It’s no coincidence that our van attracts an alarming number of divorcees, eager from some light-hearted bawdy fun (in a bun).

Lettuce

Something that really took off in the Eighties, introduced by the “Yuppies” as part of their “Loadsamoney” culture, was the idea of having pieces of lettuce with cheeseburgers. I found it tacky then and my mind remains unchanged. I’ll provide it if required but not with a smile. Quite the opposite.

Onions

We serve “triple cooked” onions. Allocate a baby’s fistful of onions to each burger and serve extremely hot. An onion lava, if you will.

Sauces

Frank is Director of Sauces. Not my problem.

Napkins

Two for adults, one for kids. Otherwise I will, and please believe me on this for both of our sakes, chase you down the beach and make you wish you’d never been born.

Posters – click/tap for full-size

  • Meat Attack

    First we take a pure mixed-source burger then add another, and another, and another until finally, the full force of the attack is unleashed.

  • Widow Maker

    Although a perfectly nutritious and delicious mid-afternoon snack, we do recommend life insurance policies are up to date before biting down.

  • Computer Burger

    When the World Wide Web arrived in Broughty Ferry we introduced our wonderful Computer Burgers, which you can now order with your computer!

Making burgers NOT the Bob Servant way

How about a classic bit of Bob while you’re getting your burger on?

Lions animation

Animated version of 'Lions' from The Bob Servant Emails radio comedy.